15 Dec Heartbreaking: Wife watches a husband caught in porn addiction
This story was posted to us anonymously. In the hope that it would help others out there, particularly those men with partners stuck in a dangerous cycle of porn addiction [We have shared it unedited].
I was in the third trimester, feeling over-sized and unattractive to my husband when I made the discovery of what any wife would hope wasn’t true. I had a feeling this was going on but denied it, being the good wife and trusting him. Nevertheless my stomach went into tight knots and I was trembling with fear knowing I had to confront him with the indecent images I found of other women naked in amongst our family photos. He would often make comments wondering what African and Asian babies would look like, and the images on his tablet were of Asian women or African women. The punishment I received from confronting was just what I expected. I felt cheated, hurt, ugly and worthless. His hotel friends would encourage him he wasn’t doing anything wrong and I wasn’t giving him freedom. He would go drinking with these friends, spending their evenings in strip bars and night clubs.
Despite confronting this situation in a gentle, loving spirit, in the hope that he would choose to make the effort to work on this area of his life, since we had our first baby on the way, was too much of an ask and that was just part of what caused our marriage to spiral out of control. Trust was shattered and admitting his pride and freedom were his priority.
Time and time again I was on my knees begging him not to leave, apologizing for confronting him and taking false responsibility for his indecent behaviour. I was then locked out of our tablet and his phone. He left the house in fits of rage, hurling abuse and threats overcome with guilt and shame, he wouldn’t return home till early hours the following morning. This had become a common occurrence. Stinking of alcohol and night clubs, in his messed up state he would come home yelling at me to forgive him and to move on and then he would rape me, I felt suffocated and would be near vomiting in so much pain and trauma…All because of pornography. Pornography is so harmful. It kills and destroys true love, and families.
Nearing the end of our marriage, I realised I was nothing to him but a trophy wife and slave. This false satisfaction on a screen meant more to him than his own family. It had taken him. He refused intimacy and in exchange would spend hours in front of the television and internet. Pornography is equally as bad as cheating…it is cheating.
No matter how much I tried to satisfy him, be the golden wife, respect him, love him, serve him, this addiction had taken him and he soon told us not to come home unless it was to pack our belongings.
It has been two years since we separated, and it has been two years full of healing, counselling and learning to trust again and getting rid of the perception that every man is the same. To this day I am still so scared to enter another relationship from this experience but I hold onto that tiny bit of hope and know that time will heal.
Pornography is one of satans most useful tools, used everywhere we go.
Bounce your eyes, don’t think twice, turn it off, turn away, biff it. Be a man, do it for yourself and your family or future family, do not be ashamed to admit you have an issue and get help fast. Realise it is a serious problem and help those around you to get out of it also.